<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>A Day in Piccolo's Head by Chronos_X</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23334763">A Day in Piccolo's Head</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronos_X/pseuds/Chronos_X'>Chronos_X</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Headcanons (2016-) [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball GT, Dragon Ball Super, Dragon Ball Z</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Everybody hates Nail, Hearing Voices, Kami is a Nosy Old Fart, Multiple Voices, Nail is a Closet Otaku, Namekians Commit Identity Theft, Nosy Neighbors, Piccolo Daimao is a Jerk, Piccolo Daimao is a low-key perv, Piccolo is Done with Everyone's S#$t, Piccolo's head is getting awfully crowded, noisy neighbors</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:48:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,007</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23334763</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronos_X/pseuds/Chronos_X</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Also available at https://www.deviantart.com/chronos-x/art/A-Day-in-Piccolo-s-Head-782259802.</p><p>Dragon Ball Super: Twilight of Gods I - https://archiveofourown.org/series/1466320</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kami &amp; Piccolo (Dragon Ball), Kami &amp; Piccolo Daimao, Kami/Piccolo Daimao, Nail &amp; Piccolo (Dragon Ball), Nail/Piccolo (Dragon Ball), Piccolo &amp; Piccolo Daimao, Piccolo/Piccolo (Dragon Ball)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Headcanons (2016-) [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635487</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Day in Piccolo's Head</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">

        <li>
          Translation into Español available: 
            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28432080">Un día en la mente de Piccolo</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronos_X/pseuds/Chronos_X">Chronos_X</a>
        </li>

        <li>
            A translation of

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28432080">Un día en la mente de Piccolo</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronos_X/pseuds/Chronos_X">Chronos_X</a>.
        </li>

    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><span class="u">A Day in Piccolo's Head</span>, by Chronos-X</p><p>Jan 22, 2019, 12:41:31 PM<br/>
Literature / Fan Fiction / Humor</p><p>(<em>Somewhere within Piccolo's mind...</em>).<br/>
<br/>
King Piccolo (<em>obnoxiously loud)</em>: Junior!  Oh, Junior!  Where are you!?<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>suffering from a splitting migraine, barely civil tone</em>): I'm here, Dad.<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>miffed</em>): I beg your pardon?<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>sighs</em>): I'm here... Father.  (<em>Cringes like there's no tomorrow</em>).<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>pleased smile</em>): That's better.  I just wanted to...<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>stern</em>): If you want to invite me to yet another panty raid, the answer is the same as it always was and ever will be: Hell.  Freaking.  No.<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>wounded at his core</em>): Don't be like that, Junior...<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>getting progressively annoyed</em>): It's Piccolo...<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>faux-weepy</em>): After I carried you for all those months and...<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>seething rage</em>): Don't.  Go.  There.<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>normal tone</em>): Whatever.  Wanna hang out?<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>displeased</em>): Do I have a choice?<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>troll-faced</em>): None whatsoever.<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>sighs</em>): Isn't <em>that</em> the story of my life...<br/>
<br/>
(<em>Nail and Kami pop in</em>).<br/>
<br/>
Nail (<em>carrying an open laptop</em>): Guys, you gotta see this!  This Ebay stuff's amazing!<br/>
<br/>
Kami (<em>unimpressed, drinks tea or something</em>): It's just a fad.  It'll never catch on.<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>pours himself a glass of rum or some s@&amp;t</em>): Yeah, keep telling that to yourself, old fart.<br/>
<br/>
Nail (<em>puts away laptop</em>): Also, I sent for ten thousand barrels of vintage Yugioh cards and...  (<em>Kami and KP spit-take all over each other's clothes</em>).<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo/Kami/KP (<em>livid</em>): You did <em>WHAT</em>!?<br/>
<br/>
Nail (<em>casual</em>): I put it on the Briefs' credit card.  They won't even notice.<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>outraged</em>): What the f#$k, Nail!?  What the actual f#$k!?<br/>
<br/>
Nail: The hell's your problem, dude!?  It's not like I spent <em>your</em> money.<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>hysteric</em>): I'll be utterly and completely screwed if Bulma and Vegeta find out!  I-I could go to jail for tax evasion, identity theft, money laundering...<br/>
<br/>
Nail (<em>nonchalant</em>): Jeez, chill the f#$k out, Tall-Green-Hermit-Who's-Never-Been-Laid!  I used fake names and addresses; you're clear.<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>one step away from a heart attack</em>): Not my point!  There are things you just don't do, especially if they could get <em>me</em> in trouble!<br/>
<br/>
Kami: It's always about <em>you</em>, isn't it, Piccolo?  Don't you ever think of anybody other than yourself?<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>rolls his eyes</em>): You're one to talk, Mr. I-Split-Up-My-Good-and-Evil-Sides-To-Take-Up-a-Cushy-Job-I-Completely-and-Absolutely-Sucked-At-and-Doomed-the-Entire-Freaking-World-as-a-Result!<br/>
<br/>
Kami (<em>barely collected</em>): Come back and lecture me when you're done with your latest one-night stand, pervert!<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>laughs out loud</em>): What's this, freaking grade school?  If you're gonna be all self-righteous and whatnot, the least you can do is come up with some halfway decent insults, you senile cucumber!<br/>
<br/>
Kami (<em>unimpressed</em>): Whatever you say, Mr. I-Used-the-Dragon-Balls-to-Become-Young-and-Still-Lost-to-an-Eleven-Year-Old!<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>ditto</em>): Same to you, Mr. I-Used-Said-Kid-to-Do-My-Job-For-Me-'Cause-I-Suck-Great-Big-Dinosaur-Balls!  (<em>Piano walks by, utterly absorbed by whatever game he's playing in an old-timey Game Boy</em>).  Uh, no offense, Piano.<br/>
<br/>
Piano (<em>still absorbed</em>): None taken, Sire...  (<em>Leaves</em>).<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>momentarily lost</em>): Where was I going with this?  Oh yeah...  (<em>To Kami</em>).  At least I'm honest with myself!<br/>
<br/>
Kami: You break into peoples' houses to steal undergarments from poor, unsuspecting women.  Surely you are a paradigm of purity and virtue. <br/>
<br/>
Piccolo: WILL THE TWO OF YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!?<br/>
<br/>
Kami (<em>bitter</em>): Nobody listens to their elders anymore...<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>shoves Kami aside</em>): Yeah, yeah, sew it on a quilt, gramps.  (<em>To Nail</em>).  So... any good draws?<br/>
<br/>
Nail (<em>shows him five special cards, loudly screams à la Dan Green</em>): EXODIA, OBLITERATE!!!  (<em>Piccolo grinds his teeth in barely contained fury</em>).<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>snatches cards, condescending tone</em>): I think you mean...  (<em>Cl</em><em>ears throat, yells louder still</em>).  "HELL FIRE'S FURY, EXODO FLAME!!!"  (<em>See above</em>).<br/>
<br/>
Nail (<em>unamused, takes cards back</em>): The other one's more iconic...<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>laughs dismissively</em>): Iconic my ass!  Those hacks at 4Kids couldn't dub their way into a sagging c...<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>utterly aghast</em>): FATHER!!!<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>vexed</em>): Oh grow up, Junior!  I swear, you're worse than Kami!<br/>
<br/>
Kami: I heard that!<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>disgusted</em>): I'll take <em>him </em>over you any day of the week...<br/>
<br/>
Kami (<em>heart-warmed</em>): Piccolo...<br/>
<br/>
Nail: Hell, I'd take a full frontal lobotomy over you too!<br/>
<br/>
KP/Piccolo/Kami: NOBODY ASKED YOU!  (<em>Nail sulks in a corner somewhere</em>).<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>frowning, to Piccolo</em>): Why, my son?  Why are you always so hostile towards me?<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo: Gee, I dunno.  Maybe it's because you spat me out as an egg and left me to fend for myself in the wilderness...<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>defensive</em>): I was seconds away from death!  I was desperate!<br/>
<br/>
Nail (<em>to KP</em>): He's right, you know.  You make Gohan's dad look halfway competent.<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>mortally offended</em>): Excuse me?<br/>
<br/>
Nail (<em>swallows hard</em>): The <em>other</em> Gohan's dad.<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>severe</em>): Long as we're clear.<br/>
<br/>
KP (<em>spiteful</em>): Whatever.  Don't wait up, nerds.  (<em>Slams door behind him</em>).<br/>
<br/>
Nail (<em>relieved</em>): Thought he'd never leave.  Now I can check up on those Demon King Kids figurines from Amazon. <br/>
<br/>
Kami: Which reminds me: Piccolo, have you seen my credit cards?<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo: No, I haven't.<br/>
<br/>
Kami: I can't seem to find them anywhere, and...  (<em>Puts two and two together</em>).  Nail...<br/>
<br/>
Nail (<em>chuckles uneasily</em>): It's cool, old-timer!  I'll pay you back every single zenni, I swear!<br/>
<br/>
Kami (<em>furiously tranquil</em>): That's what you said last month, when I loaned you five-hundred quid so you could make rent...<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>confused, to himself</em>): Wait, the voices in my head pay rent?<br/>
<br/>
Nail (<em>ignores Piccolo</em>): But I...<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>dismayed</em>): That means...  I've been missing out on so much revenue!<br/>
<br/>
Kami: ...and the week before last, when you used my last two-hundred euros for that Emperor Pilaf bubble-head doll you just <em>had</em> to have.<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>horrified, aloud</em>): I could've been living it up in Boca, Vegas, anywhere other than the damn forest or that boring lookout!<br/>
<br/>
Nail (<em>to Kami</em>): Here's an idea: why don't you put all that on my tab and I'll repay you later?<br/>
<br/>
Kami (<em>face twitching with rage</em>): Here's a better one: why don't you make like a banana and split before I shatter my staff all over your empty skull?<br/>
<br/>
Piccolo (<em>grinding his teeth</em>): Here's an even better idea: why don't you two shut your traps till the twelfth of never?<br/>
<br/>
Nail (<em>to Kami</em>): Banana split, really?  (<em>Bickering resumes; Piccolo face-palms, groans</em>).</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>